Give great lip

Hola mis amigas! First off, thanks so much for all the congratulatory emails about my BET.com article--it was nice to know I didn't actually sound like a bi-polar Fascist. Second of all, all of your emails attempting to answer June's trivia question have been endlessly entertaining and hopeless wrong! I'm kidding...a couple of you got it right, but the first to answer was a lovely, um, human being (?) whose screen name is MALCAJ. Congrats, doll, and please hit me back with your name and address so I can send you your hard-earned prize (and also because I'm dying to know your gender).

So, girls, lips have been on my mind. As Picasso-esque as that visual may be. See, it's atrociously hot and humid here in Manhattan--my hair is enormous, I'm constantly sweating, and totally nude isn't naked ENOUGH while I sleep. The last thing on my mind are smokey eyes and Alexis Carrington-contoured blush, but if I've learned one thing in my years in beauty, its that NO ONE can go absolutely makeup-free. We all need a little something to look finished, clean, effortlessly sexy. And in weather this brutal, the most fuss-free feature to makeover is your mouth. As your friendly lipgloss/lipstick/lipstain/lipbalm connoisseur, I've tried them all, and from me to you--these nine pout-inducing products are the best on the market (its odd, but sometimes ten just doesn't happen. You can't force magic).

Oh, and your man can thank me for the ninth.

TIA'S TOP NINE LIP PRODUCTS:
1.) REVLON SUPER LUSTROUS LIPGLOSS IN RAISIN GLAZE: I have five of these in stock in my underwear drawer, just in case the shade's ever discontinued. Its gives a perfect sheer, rosy-golden shine that's great for everyday [SHEER SHEEN].
2.) SMITH'S ROSEBUD SALVE: The cultest of all cult lip products, this soothing, rose-scented hydrator cures chapped lips and comes in a glamorously vintage little pot (the salve was first made in 1892). Also works as a cuticle moisturizer in a pinch! [FANCY LIP BALM]
3.) MAC TINTED LIP CONDITIONER SPF 15 IN BAUMY BRONZE: Leave it to the MAC geniuses to come up with buttery lip treatment that also leaves the sheerest wash of shimmery color. And the vanilla scent is to die. [HINT OF A TINT TREATMENT]
4.) CLINIQUE COLOR SURGE IMPOSSIBLE GLOSSY IN CREAM SODA: ThIs juicy, punchy bronzy-melon gives an anything-but-sheer, full-color finish that instanly brightens up any complexion. And inexplicably, it makes you look tan. [MAJOR DRAMA]
5.) VINCENT LONGO LIP & CHEEK GEL STAIN IN NEO AURA: For a 24/7 situation, this rosy neutral stain is just the thing. Swipe it on (quick, though, because it won't come off before 2010), wait a couple seconds for it to dry, and follow with a clear gloss to add shine. [OUT-ALL-NIGHT COLOR]
6.) ELIZABETH ARDEN EIGHT-HOUR-CREAM LIP PROTECTANT STICK SPF 15: Celebrity makeup artist's had been using Elizabeth Arden's 8 Hour Cream facial moisturizer as a secret weapon to hydrate lips for so long that finally Arden developed its own lip product. And, oh, its REVELATORY. The solid chapstick comes in a fabulous roll-up lipstick tube and leaves lips supple, smooth and shiny, shiny, shiny. Try the tinted shades too--plum, chestnut, and blush. Love. [SUPER-SHINY CHAPSTICK]
7.) CARGO DAILY GLOSS: If you're a girl on the go, you'll love these dime-sized, individual sealed, tearaway pouches of single-dose lip gloss. You get a 30-day supply of three different looks-perfect-on-everyone shades that you can literally stick in your pocket. [TRAVEL-SIZE CHIC]
8.) LANCOME JUICY ROUGE SHINY LIPSTICK IN BROWNIE: We all wear gloss these days, but there's something to be said for a fabulous lipstick, and last year Lancome came out with the best lipstick on the planet. Juicy Rouge has the coverage of a lipstick, but the shiny, glassy finish of a gloss. Its slightly sheer, slightly shimmery, and all good. [GLOSSY LIPSTICK]
9.) LIP VENOM: If you just started sleeping with someone, YOU NEED THIS. You know what its like when you first start spending the night and don't want the guy to see you looking busted, only radiantly luminous--but it would be ridiculous to break out a lipstick immediately after sex or the second you wake up? Well, its all about this teeny vial of cinammon and ginger-spiked, ultra-spicy gloss. It increases the circulation in your lips, plumping them up and creating a natural rosy flush. Your lips will look outrageously sultry, but in a natural, I'm-always-this-stunning way. And you can wildly make-out without getting lipgloss all over him. [SEX WALKING]

Ya think I'm funny? Am I just black entertainment to you?

My Darling Muchachitas,
Check out my new Q&A and ACCIDENTAL DIVA excerpt on www.bet.com! If you think I sound like an ornery schizophrenic totally lacking in irony (“...that movie, ‘Diary of a Mad Black Woman’ really pissed me off!”), imagine the sound bytes you’d deliver if expected to be eloquent about the media’s portrayal of black women....the morning after a recurring nightmare in which your second novel’s protagonist shoots you with flaming arrows. But enjoy! And thanks Tonya!
Click here for the article

NEWSFLASH!! Enter to win June's product of the month!!

Hey Hot Girls,
Here we are at the second Product of the Month giveaway (my how time flies...and to think, I don't look a day over 18!). Check the right hand side for my feverish ravings about Anna Sui's dizzyingly delish new fragrance, Secret Wish. To win a bottle of your own, be the first to answer this ACCIDENTAL DIVA trivia question correctly. I send the best of luck and a loving kiss.
xxoo,
tia

WHICH REAL WORLD ALUMNUS ON TV DISTRACTS JAY FROM A LOADED CONVERSATION WITH BILLIE?

A skin and a shame

OHMYGOD, girls, what the hell is going on with celebrity skin? Okay, fine, I've watched a couple seconds of Britney and K-Fed's current car wreck, "Chaotic," and even MORE brain-cell-sloughing than their musings on "screwing" and "being afraid to love," is Brit's ACNE. What? In the reality show, there are a number of EXTREME(ly uncomfortable) close-ups that all but put the cystic acne situation on full-blast--yet she chooses to forgo her access to all the finest dermatologists and fancy zit treatments. I don't get it. Unless she's depressed--at which time we're all allowed to let things go until an intervention is staged--she's got to put down the Cheetos and pick up the PROACTIVE. Popsters like Jessica Simpson and Alicia Keys wouldn't DARE submit themselves to a zoom lens without pickling themselves in this legendary blemish-blasting system (though Jess and Alicia had for-real issues, I can't speak for Diddy's new Proactive spokesperson status...sounds a bit to me like "I lost the child support case and haven't had a hit in a while--a couple mil? cool!").

Though fabulous, Proactive is a bit expensive, so if you can't afford it, I fully, FULLY stand behind NEUTROGENA'S ACNE ESSENTIALS line,which goes as follows:
MORNING:
* Oil-Free Acne Foam Wash
* Skin Clearing Moisturizer
* Skin Clearing Oil-Free Foundation (only if you must)
NIGHT
* Multi-Vitamin Acne Treatment allover
* On-the-Spot Acne Patches over existing zits (sexy!)

Somehow I made it through high school and college without a hint of a pimple, but when I turned 22 I was besieged by a soul-shattering case of adut acne. I was crushed, as it was my first year in New York--and my health plan didn't include dermatologists. But one of my colleagues at YM suggested that if I use the line for at least three months, I'd be cured! One note, a couple weeks in, your skin will start feeling quite dry. Hang on, muddle through, read the Koran...it gets better. Look at me! Seven years later and no zits!

(At least not on my face).

xoxo,
tia

Mi spa es tu spa

Hello ladies! Thank you SOOO much for a.) having almost saintly patience and for b.) all your adorably supportive emails offering advice for kicking writer’s block in the ass! Me being me, I was especially fond of the “take-a-minute-to-pamper-yourself” suggestions. In roughly two seconds, my humble Brooklyn apartment morphed into a veritable spa sanctuary full of the most gloriously pampering, orgasm-inducing, self-indulgent products under the sun--and not just the usual spa fare, either. Muchachitas, you can't IMAGINE what inspiration comes from replacing your generic deodorant or liquid hand soaps with ultra-luxurious substitutes--very spa outside the box! Okay, so my husband has suffered some good-natured ribbing for leaving the house smelling like a sprig of lavender, but guess what?! I’m totally back to being the sassy scribe that I am (and really, Adam, aren't we both so much happier this way?).

Try these, you’ll DIE,
tia

TIA'S TOP TEN “AT-HOME OASIS” PRODUCTS

1.) ARCHIPELAGO BOTANICALS GODDESS SOY BOXED CANDLES IN DEMETER: A blend of orange and patchouli, the scent is a heady citrus-musk that’s fabulous to burn during a long bath, but the best part? The candle’s inspired by Demeter, the goddess of “bountiful harvest!” Long story short, I’m highly superstitious and I have a feeling Demeter helped harvest my creativity, as it were.

2.) L’OCCITANE FACE EXFOLIATING MASK IN LAVENDER HARVEST: Okay, I have chronic migraines and lavender, with its relaxing aromatherapeutic benefits, is PROVEN to ease migraines…or any tension, for that matter. So not only does the mask polish dull skin to a radiant glow, it also leaves a faint lavender scent that you inhale all day. Oh, I get chills just writing about it.

3.) COVER GIRL EYESLICKS GEL EYECOLOR PENCIL: This isn’t a spa product, really, but I had to mention it because it still manages to pamper, somehow—the shade is water-based, so it feels like you’re wearing an ultra-refreshing cucumber slice. So refreshing—and gorgeous, too (my favorite is Cream Soda). At drugstores.

4.) BLISS MAMMOTH MINTY SCRUB SOAP: If Bliss is the NYC fabulous-people-whipping-themselves-into-fabulous-shape institution that kicked off the whole mid-nineties spa craze, than this gi-normous soap bar was the must-have for everyone who couldn’t get on the waiting list! Blended with zingy, moisturizing mint oil and skin-smoothing exfoliating beads, this 12 0z bar is about the size of Rhode Island...so it gives great skin for, like, EVER.

5.) AVEDA CARRIBBEAN THERAPY BATH SOAK: Oooooh. Sooo good. A blend of lime, mango, and cocoa butter, this deliciously-scented, moisturizing soak is no less than Jamaica, bottled.

6.) ORIGINS LAVENDER VANILLA BATH & BODY OIL: I can’t get enough of this stuff. Not only because of the lavender, which we know I worship, but because the lavender/vanilla combination is absolutely float-away-able (so much so, that I also have the room spray, body scrub, and shower gel). I use it everywhere—in my bathwater, allover as a moisturizer, even on the ends of my hair.

7.) BIOTHERM HAPPY LEGS ICY LEGS GEL: You’re supposed to use this on sore legs after you work out (work out? pshaw), but I love this as a little perk-me-up when I’m up all night trying to write and my eyes are closing and one idea runs into the next. I rub a drop between my hands, put them over my face, and inhale. So invigorating, so mind-clearing, so focusing. And legal.

8.) FRESH ROLL-ON SUGAR DEODORANT: When I decided to renovate my bathroom into a palace of pampering delights, I took stock of everything…even the most unlikely. This deodorant is strenuously chic, unchalky, and smells so sweet people will ask what fragrance you’re wearing. And you’ll lie, of course.

9.) DAVIES GATE GARDEN MADE HAND SALVE: Blended with tons of shea butter and nut oil, this ultra-rich, creamy butter is meant for hands, but its fabulous as an instant-pedicure--and its tiny, so you can throw it in your bag for ashy-emegencies. Yep, watch those heels and toes, girls, its wedge season.

10.) MOLTON BROWN THAI VERT LIQUID HAND WASH: Again, spa-ifying your surroundings is all about glamorizing products that you wouldn’t think of!! This moisturizing, ever-so-spicy cleanser is spiked with pomegranates, cardamom, and rose…and is so frisky, so Moroccan honeymoon, that the simple act of washing your hands becomes ridiculously fab.

Write here, write now (I wish)

LADIES!! I've missed you terribly, but please don't give up on me...next week you'll have a brand-new, more-enlightening-than-ever post from your Makeup Mama, I SWEAR!! It's just, well, I've been in a particularly dark place, attempting to finish writing a chapter I've been working on since 1967 (which reminds me of a Golden Girls scene when Dorothy tells frustrated neophyte writer, Blanche: "You have to have written something to have writer's block, or else we all have it").

Stay tuned! Next week I'll be as spritely as Tom Cruise on Oprah!

forever shaking my beauty,
tia