Friday, September 01, 2006

My miracle nipples

Hey Hey Hey,
I’m exhausted. Though I’m only 28 (and have been for three years), I am officially an old lady. Wanna know why I’m exhausted? Because I went out THE DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY. Mama can no longer bounce back the way she used to. It’s really tragic, mourning the loss of your hot stuff, shake-your-money-maker-like-somebody’s-tryin-to-pay-ya former self. But even more tragic is the way I got into the party.

Allow me to set the scene. I’ve just arrived at Common’s pre-VMA “cookout” at Sky Studios, this deeply chic penthouse apartment that fancy folks rent out for parties. Oh, girls! It’s really all about the rooftop, which has a glittering pool (the view from the deck of downtown Manhattan is totally breathtaking…and oh yeah! It’s where Samantha and Richard slow-dance at dusk on S&TC), and a sultry secret garden (complete with lush trees and a tropical flowers…perfect spot for on-the-low trysts and omigod-did-you-see-her-hooker-shoes gossip sessions). The point is, Sky Studios is one of the sexiest party venues in the city. So that, coupled with the fact that yummy Common was the guest of honor made it impossible at the door. Okay, so I’m standing there with Adam, my sister Lauren, and our friend Mike the Suit (he’s a suitmaker-to-the-stars. Seriously, most of his clients have had their own Cribs episode). Outside the door, it’s absolute BEDLAM. The entire block is roped-off. ‘Bows are recklessly thrown. Folks are anxiously texting every baller on their call list, trying to work a hook-up. Now folks, I’m lucky enough to be on the damn list because one of my dearest friends, the very chic & sassy publicist, Miss Mashariki, is THROWING the party. But Door Guy isn’t impressed with this information, because at that moment, apple-bottomed video vixen Melyssa Ford is sauntering in. And she’s followed by Sleepy Brown, and a bevy of Victoria’s Secret models, and Kelis, and random NFL guys, and Janice Combs (okay, why?), all of whom sidle on in, sans problem. And I start to get heated. I tap on Door Guy’s shoulder again, and before I can say “I’m way too old to fight to get into yet another party where me and my adorable, brilliant, hilarious girlfriends are considered less interesting than Lauren Conrad,” he smiled benevolently and shoo’d us crew in. Hark! It was a miracle!! Of course, twenty minutes later I realized the true nature of said miracle. One of the straps of my plunging halter-top had slid over, totally exposing my nipple. Yes, girls, my nip was the miracle.

There is a moral to this story. You never know where you’re next miracle will come from. And for me, the most exciting miracles come in beauty product-form (I know, huge surprise!). And what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t share them with you? Behold, the five miracle-workers that are currently setting my world—and nipples—ablaze.



1.) TARTE FRXTION SUGAR EXFOLIATOR & LIP BALM DUO, $11: Okay, I have super-chapped lips. They’re so bad, I’m constantly either rubbing off the dead skin with my finger, or nibbling it off. A terrible habit, but what am I to do? Lip gloss on top of chapped lips is beyond gross. Well, the folks at Tarte have remedied this situation with this dual-sided flake-busting balm! The exfoliating side is embedded with brown sugar particles, that, when gently scrubbed against chapped lips, sloughs off all the flakes. The rich, vitamin E-infused side moisturizes your newly smooth lips, post-exfoliation. It’s brilliant. I’ve already worn the damn thing down to a nub! Oh, and the brown sugar tastes fantastic. Some guy on the subway caught me licking the sugary exfoliating side, and I was so humiliated, I had to get out three stops early.

2.) RESCUE BEAUTY NAIL POLISH IN REVAMP, $18: As evidenced by the fall runway shows and superstars like Lindsay, Nicole and J. Lo, this season’s hottest nail trend is goth-black polish on short, rounded nails. If you’re anything like me, though, black nail polish is just a tad too look-at-how-tough-I-am. You know? That’s why I hallelujah’d to the heavens when I saw Rescue’s take on the noir nails trend—Revamp is indeed black, but it’s blended with a deep ruby glitter. Oh, it’s breathtaking! On-trend, but with a chic twist.

3.) DUWOP SUB-SURFACE UNDEREYE PRE-CONCEALER TREATMENT, $22.50: I’m so excited about this product I can barely type!! Seriously, every single one of you should use Sub-Surface before applying concealer on blemishes. Here’s why. On one side, you have a medicated, salicylic acid-infused blemish treatment, and on the other, there’s a special primer that ensures your concealer won’t crease or separate or get oily during the day. Use the zit zapper first, then the primer, and finally, your concealer. So, while your skin LOOKS perfect, your blemishes are being treated, as well!! Have you ever?

4.) LANCOME FATALE 3D COMB MASCARA, $22: Remember when I talked about fiber mascaras, and how they made lashes look amazingly full? Well, if it’s length you’re after, it’s all about Fatale. Lancome has pioneered brand-new mascara technology—the usual wand had been replaced with a comb! So you’re literally applying the mascara with a built-in comb. Girls, this mascara is so potent, so dramatically lengthening, that your lashes will seem to touch your brows. My only thing—be very careful when applying, because it can get gunky if you’re not paying attention. Hot stuff!

5.) JOHNSON'S SOOTHING NATURALS SOOTHE & PROTECT BALM, $4.39: Ignore the fact that this balm is for babies. It’s fabulous. So, I was looking for something to moisturize my disgustingly dry elbows, feet, and ankles (sexy, yes, I know)—something heavy-duty, but not greasy. Herein lies the challenge. EVERYTHING super-moisturizing is greasy. Except for this adorable little pocket-size roll-up stick. It’s so mild you can use it on your face and lips, and it’s totally portable! I keep it in my bag for emergencies. So, yeah, baby products. I’m seeing them in a whole new light.


Blogger QuietBeautyInc said...

Hi Tia,
I am in love with your site/blog!
I'm an aspiring fashion editor(I'm currently an English major) and I freelance as a freelance fashion/bridal designer. Please if you (or any of you other FAB ladies) have a moment, feel free to check out my blog(I'm new to all this)

3:53 PM  
Anonymous Tami said...

To funny Tara.. I mean Tia !! LOL.. Soo any juicy stories from inside the party? spill it !

3:55 PM  
Blogger TNDRHRT said...

Hi Tia! Found a link to your blog on another blog earlier this week and I LOVE IT!! I went online to MAC and purchased the Raizin blush. Can't wait to receive it! I'm like a kid at Christmas waiting for the new toys! I used to not wear blush because I never liked the clownish way it looked on me and I really didn't know how to apply it. About a year ago, I bought a blush from Mary Kay called Plum Dazzle; however, my feelings for it have dazzled out...don't wear it much anymore. I'm a chocolate beauty so I really liked your rundown on the lovely products for milk chocolate girls like me! Thanks!

4:00 PM  
Blogger Schanina said...

Oh no you didn't lick and I've had my share of subway embarrassments that include falling face first INTO the subway on my b-day. But I just Miss America waved to my spectators and laughed it off. And in your case the guy probably just wanted to taste the excitement for himself. Don't be ashamed!!! I have a tube of Tutti Dolci in Fantasia Di Cioccolata that is delectable (Available at Bath and Body Works for those who are curious).

9:42 AM  
Blogger Elle* said...

WOW, that polish has me salivating!

8:42 PM  
Anonymous Fo'Real in Los Angeles said...

I was in a wedding on Saturday in the Napa Valley and I had the most beautiful manicure done in oh so trendy black. I think I'll get this black w/a bit of ruby sparkle to spice up the current look though. BTW, I am totally missing my club days but not waiting in lines . . . I'm glad your boobie got you and your crew in the soiree.

2:28 AM  
Blogger Gina said...

*chuckle* Glad to know a little surreptitious (albeit accidental) nip-flash can still do wonders.

Speaking of miracles, I'm in desperate need of a decent concealer. Nothing seems to work. Anyone have any ideas?

9:01 AM  
Blogger U.B.A. (Urbyn Beauty Addict) said...

Tia, that's hilarious cuz I was at that party!

I'm glad you got in even if it was via a "nip slip". I had a great time although I had an unpleasant run in with "Melysa (she know it's Mellissa) dress all off the shoulder with a weave you'd easily get a discount on at the local chinese beauty supply store Ford!" She's so done.

I loved Famke's dress & definitely want it in a shorter version! : ) The food & drink was tasteful & Common had a blast so I was happy!


6:55 PM  
Blogger 1969 said...

Hey, if the nipple works? LOL

I love that polish and can't wait to try it!!!

Any boots you are eyeing for the fall?

12:07 PM  
Blogger Beauty Chick said...

I love the revamp & must try ASAP!

12:07 PM  
Blogger Seven said...

Hello - I have two questions to but I'm unsure of your email address. Myayou please contact me at Thanks a bunch.

1:33 PM  
Anonymous sd said...

Chapped lips tip..

Use a wet tooth brush and gently go over your lips with it. That will remove the dead skin

Also, I use to be a lip balm junkie. Now that I don't wear it all the time, I can see that my lips rarely get chapped. I think the ingredients in the lip balm is the drying out our lips...

I love the dark polish. I've always worn the the really dark red.

3:44 PM  
Blogger VSStyles said...

Nipples make the world go round.

9:49 AM  
Anonymous SHADOW said...

Correction. Its Johnson and Johnson brand not Jergens. But anyway that line is great. I've been using thier baby products from birth and havent stopped!

3:40 AM  
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6:49 PM  
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9:21 AM  
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1:13 AM  

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