Saving face

All the ladies in the house say OWWW!
Hi girls! I miss you so much...I've been kinda MIA over the past week. Number one, I had a little hospital procedure that kept me out for awhile--no biggie, I'm good! Number two, it's totally wedding season and when I haven't been out of town at showers and engagement fetes, I've been gossiping about all the bad shoes I saw at said showers and engagement fetes (I'm kidding). And now, a very serious question. Am I the only thirty-year-old dying to see John Tucker Must Die and that dance school movie, Step Up (I'm particularly excited about that one, since the teen book I just finished, IT-CHICKS, takes place in New York's School of Performing Arts!)? I'm very concerned about my "taste level," as Tim Gunn would say. I only like teenagery, Us Weekly-ish things. I've addressed this before, but I feel it bears repeating, since I've memorized The Pussycat Doll's entire "Buttons" routine. So you can imagine my agita when, last week, I had to interview Nick Lachey for Cosmo Radio!! Now, I've done a lot of celebrity interviews. I never get starstruck, EVER (although I do, at times, feel that I must belong to some separate species of female, after spending a couple hours with perfect-looking fembots like Christina Milian and Ciara). And even though I've always thought Nick was vaguely hunky in a "come-on-Jess-you're-leaving-your-adoring-hubbie-to-hit-the-maroon-five-guy?" kind of way...he always seemed a little FRAT to me. Not so in person! Ooooh, he looks straight in your eyes, and laughs easily, and makes fun of you in that comfortable, knowing way that makes your thighs go squishy. And he has puffy red lips. I blacked out after the interview, I was so shaken. I remember nothing but the sweat. By the end of the twenty minutes, I had black mascara-tears running down my face and my concealer was puddled at my feet. It could have something to do with the lack of AC in the studio and the one hundred degree weather...but the point is, I was drenched. If only I'd had MODEL IN A BOTTLE ($18)!!! Girls, this stuff was manufactured in heaven. And it couldn't have come into our lives at a more perfect time, during the illest heat wave this country's ever seen. It's a very light, fine setting mist that you quickly spritz over your face after you've applied makeup, and it keeps everything perfectly matte and sweat-free until, like, three am!! You won't even need makeup touch-ups during the day. Listen, I don't know how it works and I don't care. All I know is, I'll be toting it in full effect to Lola's wedding this weekend. Pictures last forever, muchachitas.

You simply must buy this stuff, girls! Just so you know, I'll be returning in a hot second to answer your sexiest beauty questions, but I just had to get a quick rave in. Seriously, MODEL IN A BOTTLE. It's life-changing.
xoxoxo,
tia