The Devil Wears Forever 21

Hey Girlie-Girls,
DID YOU SEE DEVIL WEARS PRADA??! Love, love, love. And for any of you wondering if the movie exaggerated the deeply humiliating, totally ungratifying life of a fashion magazine editorial assistant…please don’t get it twisted. It’s EXACTLY like that. Everything from cold-sweat panic when Boss Lady arrives at work, to the delivering of the book to Boss Lady’s house and the frantic co-ordination of last-minute travel arrangements (first class, or off with your head)—it’s all real. The most hideous part, though, was being expected to read Boss Lady’s mind when she easily could’ve explained exactly what she wanted. Instead, you have to take a wild stab at things like which designer she’ll want to borrow clothes from for the CFDA awards, and whether she’s in the mood for Haru California rolls or nuts-and-berries from Pump (a hideous Manhattan health-food store that always gives me projectile diahrrea). It’s insane, what’s expected of an entry-level chickadee in fashion. But we abused editorial assistants wouldn’t have given it up for the world. It’s so thrilling, being privy to the innerworkings of such an influential, far-reaching industry. And if you keep your eyes and ears open, you’ll inevitably learn the business in a way that’ll ensure a swift, brilliant rise to the top.

And here’s where I get annoyed. My issue with both the book and the movie was Andie, the title character. I loathed the way she behaved like she was above paying her dues, like both Vogue (let’s face it, that’s what we’re talking about here) and the fashion industry were beneath her. Get the hell out, then! Meryl Streep herself commended Anne Hathaway (who is stunning, by the way…I predict that we’ll all be rocking eye-skimming bangs by the fall) on making such a whiny character seem sympathetic. It’s really a very lucky thing to be in such close proximity to Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour (on whom Runway’s Miranda Priestly is based), inarguably the most important fashionista of them all. She’s an abusive sociopath, to be sure, but if you want a career in fashion, who better to learn from? She’s an icon! I just don’t get this new wave of girls taking entry level positions with the attitude that they’re too cute for the work. Like Heidi on Laguna! Jesus Christ, that girl. “Uhh, sorry I just thought I’d be part time…and I just didn’t realize I’d be stuffing envelopes?” It boggles my mind that this nineteen-year-old assumed she’d be hobnobbing with A-listers at the hottest clubs in L.A….as an event planner’s ASSISTANT (I do, however, adore Heidi’s hair). Ladies, anything worth having is worth working your ass off for. Behind every star is a saga of suffering and sobbing—so go have a cocktail and get over yourself.

That said, let’s move on to your most pressing beauty issues of the week! Listen closely, friends, some of these may apply to you. Mama hearts you big time…keep shaking that beauty!

Love,
Tia


Dear Delightful,
Here’s the “proper way” to arch your brows, Pretty Girl. First, brush them upwards with a tiny eyebrow brush—you’ll look really evil, but stick with me. Once the hairs are sticking straight up, you’ll be able to see the line of your arch more clearly. Create a sort-of stencil of the arch shape you want by tracing along the underside of the brow with an eyeliner pencil (a white pencil is your best bet; you can see it more clearly). The highest point of the line should fall directly above your iris. Next, tweeze the hairs that fall below the line. Voila!! A clean-but-natural-looking arch. What you should NEVER do is pluck above your brow or over-tweeze between your brows. To figure out where your brow should start, hold a pencil vertically at the outside of your nostril. And to make the whole thing infinitely easier, check out BENEFIT’S BROW ZING IN DARK ($28). The all-in-one kit comes with everything you need to create perfect brows—two brow powder shades, tweezers, a hard angle brush (to apply the powder) and a blending brush.


Dear Anonymous Girl Curious About Eyelash Extension,
Ooohh, who isn’t? Ever since stars like Jennifer Lopez and Jessica Simpson started rocking deliciously lush eyelash extensions (Madonna’s were diamond-studded and cost $10,000), they’ve become the Hollywood trend du jour. What happens is, the salon technician glues a synthetic lash extension to your own eyelash hairs, one by one with tweezers. For up to two months, you’ll wake up every day with long, sexy, fresh-looking lashes that won’t even require mascara! The thing is, the extensions are expensive—costing between $300 and $500. Too expensive? Try semi-permanent lashes…they cost about $50 and last anywhere from three days to two weeks. And if you’re looking for a super-cheap way to get Aubrey-at-dance-rehearsal lashes (please tell me you noticed that the Making the Band babe wears fake lashes to boom-kat with Laurie-Anne for hours. LOVE her), it all starts with out SHU UEMURA’S industry cult-favorite EYELASH CURLER ($18). Every Us Weekly-type celeb under the sun uses this curler, and for good reason—it makes your lashes pop like you wouldn’t believe. Try it, try it, try it!!


Dear Zakiyyah,
First of all, huge congrats on your smarty-pants 10-month-long Fulbright Grant to Malaysia!! I fully cosign your decision to bring two weeks of clothes, and understand your confusion about what else to bring. Ahh packing. It’s so hard for us fashion-and-beauty sluts. But you’ve come to the right girl, since about five years ago I dropped everything and moved to Seville, Spain for six months…and stuffed my entire bathroom cabinet in a carry-on. Before you do anything, you should visit FLIGHT 001. It’s a fabulous hipster-chic travel boutique in Manhattan’s West Village, but the website is just as fantastic (and well-priced)—it carries things like packing aids, travel wallets, all kinds of helpful gadgets, in-flight essentials, and random goodies like all-in-one adaptors, a “No Jet-Lag” homoepathic remedy, cute luggage labels and their insanely well-edited Flightpack (for just $28, you get a waterproof bag stuffed with a dental kit, floss, mouthwash, Burt’s Bees lipbalm, moist towelttes, an Evian face-spritzer, and moisturizer). Second of all, you should leave electronics like curling irons and hairdryers at home (they probably won’t work in Malyasia—just buy them when you get there). Also, don’t weigh down your carry-on with tons of makeup…downsize with HARD CANDY TAKE OUT MAKEUP KIT ($25, above), which had everything you need in one tri-level, cutie-pie palette (six lipglosses, two lip brushes, eight eyeshadows, a black eye pencil, mini mascara, two shadow applicators, blush and bronzer). But in terms of hair products and skincare, definitely bring your usual stash—you probably won’t find Miss Jessie’s curl creams in South East Asia, Sugar. To make things travel-friendly, pour your hair and skin stuff into leakproof travel bottles. You can find really cheap ones (from 65 cents to $3) at THE CONTAINER STORE…. they even carry PERSONAL CARE LABELS ($1.79 for 36 labels) to stick on the bottles! Good luck Zakiyyah—write me when you get there!!


Dear Clothespin,
So you’ve got “large, unruly curly hair” and most styling products are too heavy and sticky for you? I have just the thing, Clothespin! You must try MATRIX CURL LIFE CONTOURING CREAM THICK/COARSE HAIR ($15). When your hair’s wet, scoop out a palm-full and saturate your strands, from root to tip. Then, carefully scrunch—not too hard, or you’ll end up with tons of frizz—and use a diffuser to dry. Your curls will be so soft and bouncy you’ll want to run out and audition for a hair commercial.


Dear PinkCrystal1908,
You’re fifteen! Oh honey, I remember being fifteen and acne-prone and desperately jealous of the clear-skinned beauties in Jodeci videos. So, your issue is that you’re an oily-skinned stunner who lives in humid, sweaty Mississippi and needs a non-pore-clogging SPF moisturizer. Well, its seems that CLEAN & CLEAR’S MORNING GLOW MOISTURIZER ($6.99) was made for you. Not only is it oil-free and blended with SPF 15, this super-light moisturizer contains tiny light-reflecting particles that’ll give your skin the prettiest, most “morning-after” radiance. But you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you, dear?