Fa la blah blah blah

Hey Ladies,
Merry Merry! I am filled with self-loathing this holiday season. Since my book is due on January 15th, I've been so focused on wrapping the damn thing up that I've waited 'till the very last second to do my Christmas shopping. And this is my favorite time of year, folks! Seriously, all I've been thinking about is character development, new and thrilling plot twists, and how to write the all-important sex scene without offending the delicate sensibility of my husband's adorable grandmother. Not that she would have much interest in the chick-literary happenings of a horny girl-about-town, but I swear, somehow Grandma Freddi knows and sees ALL (I'm sure she's thinking, "Back in the Dominican Republic sweet young men don't marry girls who use words like THROBBING and EXPLOSION and don't cook"). In any event, I've been a tad preoccupied. So much so, that I don't sleep. And my frequent bouts of insomnia, as I've explained before, often lead to some manic beauty experimenting. This was the case last week when I made quite possibly the biggest hair mistake of my life. Picture it: It was 3am, I was punchy, and I'd just finished watching an HBO on-demand episode of Sex & the City. For some reason, I was instantly, irrationally obsessed with SJP's honey-ish highlights, circa 1999. In a blind frenzy, I searched my beauty bins for a haircolor kit...and as I live and breathe, there before my eyes was GARNIER NUTRISSE's MULTI-LIGHT HIGHLIGHTING KIT IN WARM BRONZE. Lesson learned: Highlighting kits should never be available to vaguely unhinged, stressed-out beauty junkies at three in the morning. Because, muchachitas, mama slapped that stuff in her hair and promptly fell asleep sitting on her toilet. When I jerked myself awake an hour later, my hair was the precise shade of an Oompa Loompa. All was not lost, however. After crying myself a river of tears (and terrifying Adam, who woke up wondering if he'd drank too much the night before and accidentally brought home some gnarly-weaved hoochie), the next morning I took my pumpkinhead to the beauty salon and got a chocolate brown rinse layered over the offending streaks. Now they're less...vivid. Still not "warm bronze," but at least I can go out in public.

ANYWAY. All of this was to say that I haven't been myself lately, which is why I've taken so long getting this fabulous gift guide to you. But as The Golden Girls' Blanche Devereaux said...better late than pregnant!! For those of you who haven't already gone shopping for the most important peeps in your life, I've done all the hard work for you. Why? Because I'm so darling. And FYI: Most of these goodies are available on websites that do the whole "before Dec. 23rd" shipping thing. If I don't talk to you before next week, Happy Holidays!!! Love ya, mean it!!

xoxo,
Tia

Oh yeah. This is totally off-subject and weeks late, but I'd be remiss in not mentioning Nicole's ANTM win in the face of possibly the ONLY contestant in the show's history that could actually make a living as a model--Nik. Was it as obvious to everyone else that the only reason Miss North Dakooohhta won is because Tyra couldn't pick three brown girls in row? If she'd have picked quirky blonde Kahlen instead of boring Naima last season, we wouldn't be in this mess.

TIA'S EMBARASSINGLY LATE HOLIDAY '05 GIFT GUIDE:
FOR MOM: Tom Ford for Estee Lauder's Youth Dew Amber Nude ($65) When Youth Dew first debuted in 1953, it was an instant, all-out classic. This year, the uber-sexy, swings-both-ways fashion legend Tom Ford was commisioned by Lauder to give his favorite fragrance an updated, more modern vibe. And, oh, the legendary Gucci designer definitely made it happen--the blend of florals, warm dark chocolate and yummy spices adds serious sex appeal to this oldie-but-goodie.

FOR THE SASSY PRETEEN: Hard Candy Charmed Lip Gloss Bracelet ($16): Almost unbearably darling, this studded, cuff-style ribbon bracelet comes with two snap-off, mini-lip glosses and two sexy little charms. Just the thing for a fashionista-in-training.

FOR BOYFRIEND/DAD/BRO: Molton Brown Prosper Gift Set For Him ($55): As beauty gift sets for men go, this one is BY FAR the most butch. The outrageously luxurious products are blended with distinctly warm, spicy, testorone-ish scents (think black pepper, lime, and cinammon), that are sexy enough for you to use, too. Also, the box is so cute you can skip wrapping paper. The set includes: Re-charge Black Pepper Body Wash, Triple Action Biao Hair Wash, and Cassia Energy Hair & Body Wash.

FOR THE BUDDING MAKEUP ARTIST: MAC Stash Box ($37): You are not allowed to keep this for yourself, though you'll want to. This deeply chic set of five exclusive, professional makeup brushes come in a teal, faux-croc "boudoir box" that can double as a glamorous catch-all for your vanity. Oh, and the brushes have matching teal lacquer-stained wood handles. So fancy!

FOR THE GIRLY-GIRL: Tutti Dolci La Dolce Doccia ($28): In quite possibly the most darling packaging ever, this oversized tube of yummy bath products comes wrapped in hot pink foil and tied on each end with ribbon (it looks like a giant piece of saltwater taffy)! The super-sweet, creme brulee-scented set includes a Creme Body Wash and a jar of Moisturizing Souffle.

FOR THE FILM BUFF: Fresh Memoirs of a Geisha Cherry Blossom Gift Set ($38): Because Fresh has some of the most indulgently decadent, achingly chic products, it holds the distinction of being my favorite bath and body line. And now they've gone an extra step and assembled this lovely collection of Memoirs of a Geisha-inspired goodies (and the box is a so very chinoiserie-sexy). The set includes: Eau de Parfum, a heady blend of jasmine, rose, and white peach; Bath with Sake, a soak infused with real-live sake (when you pour it in really, really hot water and inhale the alcohol-tinged scent, I swear you get a buzz); and the extremely moisturizing but not pore-clogging Flower Petal Face Mask.

FOR THE HAIR GIRL: Bumble & Bumble BB Glamour Styling Box ($20): You know the chick I'm talking about. Her hair enters the room before she does--it's gorgeous, enviable, the thing everyone thinks of when her name comes up in conversation. If you have a girl like this in your life, then you must gift her with this box of Bumble & Bumble treats, which includes: Gentle Shampoo, Super Rich Conditioner, Styling Lotion (absolutely KEY for blowdrying), and detailed instructions on the ultimate blow-out. Check out the entire Holiday Styling Box Collection--there's one for creating volume, one for guys, one for texture, etc...and each one is decorated with a different vintage fashion illustration from the '60s, '70's or 80's. Tres fab!

FOR THE LABEL WHORE: Marc Jacobs Clutch Set ($90): This one speaks for itself. Nothing thrills a fashion girl more than Marc Jacobs, and this set--though expensive--will set her world on fire. The tiny, perfect-for-cocktailing black clutch comes stocked with an Eau de Parfum Spray of his bestselling scent and the matching Body Lotion.

FOR THE PARTY GIRL: Bourjois Mojito Mischief ($28 ): Everyone has that one friend who always seems to have a cocktail velcroed to her hand. This set includes the following out-on-the-town essentials: shimmering champagne lipgloss, sparkly golden-green eyeshadow, and volumizing black mascara. And on the back, a recipe for the perfect mojito! Check out the other two sets in Bourjois' party collection--Fabulous Flirtini and Bella Bellini.