...or my name's not Shauntia Williams

AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
**special double edition**
“I almost feel like the bubbles are owning you and you aren’t owning the bubbles.”
--Lisa, aka “Alcoholic Bitch"

“If anyone should understand a difference in gender expression, it should be Miss J. I mean, are you kidding?”
--Kim, aka “The Object of Tia’s Girl Crush” (her preppy-butch ensembles are the CUTEST)

Hola Homies!!
Mama’s back, y’all! Oh, I was getting so very distracted at home in BK (as Nas eloquently put it on Kany-eezy’s “We Major”…I heard the beat and I ain’t know what to write), but my little sabbatical worked wonders! Sometimes you just need to push pause on your immediate environment to drown out the noise and FOCUS, you know? I got tons done, my editor is feeling me again--and if I may say so myself, I think you’ll kinda like my new novel (even though its not technically a sequel, Billie and dem do make an appearance…you won’t believe what’s up with she and Jay five years later, tee-hee). No title yet, but I’ll keep you posted.

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for all your adorable emails wishing me good luck! When I got stuck, you all made me smile (except, of course, for the nameless hater who wrote: “Shutup Bitch.” Omarosa, is that you?). And now, bear with me while I address a couple of you, directly:

************
Dear LATSTAR,
So tickled you like THE BEAUTY OF COLOR! It’s only in English as of now, but I believe a Spanish translation is coming soon.

Dear MalcaJ,
Big congratulations on your baby girl coming on Feb. 20th!! And even though your family thinks you’re nuts, I enthusiastically agree that Billie is a FINE name.

Dear Dimon,
Don’t you know a true lady never reveals her age? Two hints:
1.) The year I graduated from high school, my favorite songs were: Rump Shaker, Nuthin But a G Thang, Dreamlover, Janet's If, and Jade’s Don’t Walk Away (damn, how hot was that one?).
2.) My birthday’s August 15th.
A special treat to whoever gets it right!!

Dear Anonymous,
I am, in fact, NOT Shauntia Williams from Hattiesburg. Though she sounds lovely.
*************

Back to business. Even though no one saw me for the better part of a month, I never EVAH let my beauty game slip. Which just goes to show that makeup and stuff really isn’t about impressing other people, its about making yourself feel good. An example: I’m an insomniac, and inevitably wake up at 3:30 am every single night of my life. Unlike most people, who I assume would drink warm milk or something like jumping back in bed, I do things like practice my smoky eye technique, pluck my eyebrows, or trim my split ends. Yes, folks, its that deep. When I'm bored I play "Beauty Shop." And so when I was packing I made sure to include the following five gems—all of which kept me busy shaking my beauty in between writing, sleeping, and watching Making the Band 3 (“get gully!”).

TIA’S TOP FIVE "BEAUTY SHOP" ESSENTIALS

1.) SONIA KASHUK SLIDING MAKEUP KIT IN SPICE IT UP ($19.99) If it weren't for my palm-sized palette of bronzey-neutral goodness, I'd have to travel with a steamer trunk full of makeup. This endlessly entertaining box o'beauty has three mini sliding shelves that hold everything you need to do your entire face: Three creamy lip glosses (a toffee, copper, and metallic coffee shade); three shadows (a pale peachy gold, copper, and deep shimmery bronze); a cinnamony blush; a blush brush; a lip brush and a double-sided eye shadow brush. Seriously, everyone must own this kit--and the price is SICK.


2.) LIPPMAN COLLECTION SMOOTH OPERATOR ($11) Eleven dollars might seem steep, but this isn't an emory board its an EXPERIENCE (its made up of four differently textured halves--a shaper, finisher, smoother and buffer). Every writer should keep this by her computer--I should know, its a tradition I've upheld for six years, since I was a nervous, nicotine-addicted assistant beauty editor at Elle. Every time I'm at a loss for words, creatively frustrated, or generally in need of a distraction, I reach for this four-way stick and frantically get to buffing until my muse returns.


3.) PHILOSOPHY WINTER WEATHER SURVIVAL KIT ($26, $50 value!!) Where to start, where to start? The Philosophy folks thought of everything when they put together this little skincare set, which includes a luxurious cleanser, an un-greasy moisturizer perfect for spots of cold weather dryness, an ingenious eye/lip cream, and the best invention ever--the Kiss Me Red Lip Balm, a pot of smoothing salve that leaves a hint of a tint on lips. Could they possibly have understood the joy I'd have playing with these lotions and potions for a good half hour of procastination?


4.) SEPHORA GO CURL EYELASH CURLER ($14) This is embarassing, but sometimes during those bouts of middle-of-the-night boredom, I'd obsessively curl my lashes, over and over. I just can't get over how something so itsy-bitsy--no bigger than a matchbook--can make my lashes fan out in such a deeply dramatic, Ava Gardner-way. And the soft pad prevents lash breakage, which can sometime happen with those clunky, complicated, medieval-looking curlers.


5.) VIDAL SASSOON PROFESSIONAL 2" WET TO DRY STRAIGHTENER ($37.99) Okay, I've become addicted to washing my hair so I can play with this thing. You know how, despite how mean you are with a blowdryer, you MUST follow up with a flatiron if you really want that supernaturally straight look? Which sucks, because doubling up on heated appliances virtually murders your hair (and wears out your arm). Well, this multi-tasking, two-in-one flatiron manages to dry wet hair AND straighten it--at the same damn time!!!!! It has something to do with special built-in outlets that allow water to evaporate, and high, constant heat. Hot stuff.