Monday, May 02, 2005

Harajuku, Schmarajuku

RANDOM AMERICAS NEXT TOP MODEL QUOTE/WEEK, #3
"Don't get ghetto in the face."
--Jay Manuel to Kelle

As it's Procrastination Hour (a glassy-eyed, manic time during which I put off writing by inhaling Honey Bunches of Oats while clicking back and forth between Golden Girls, MTV's Direct Effect, and Regis & Kelly) I'd like to quickly get something off my chest. My chest is itsy-bitsy--size 34A--so this will only take a second.

Does anyone else but me find Gwen Stefani's Harajuku Girls slightly bizarre? You know who I mean right, the little troupe of Geishas de Gwen that follow her around at awards shows? Apparently, during her travels, Ms. Stefani--who I've always LOVED, by the way, let's not get this twisted--found herself in Tokyo's Harajuku district, where all the cool kids hang out in their fashion-forward hotness: Cartoon-cute-meets-vintage-eccentric ensembles, ankle-breaking platforms, and doll-baby makeup and hair. Once introduced to their "wicked style," (as she warbles throughout her album), she'd found her inspiration, and in my opinion, went a little insane.

Before you could say "Madonna's Indian Period," Miss Gwen quickly began dressing like the Harajuku Hotties and infusing said wickedness into her fashion line, L.A.M.B., which is an acronym for Love, Angel, Music, Baby...and, coincidentally, the names she christened our Geisha Gamines (that fact alone is bizarre...okay, Prince did the Diamond and Pearl thing, but that was clearly a sort of Svengali-esque, "we're-both-sleeping-with-him-duh-he's-prince" moment). Next, Gwen has the surprisingly blacker-than-black-dancing Girls hop around in her videos and inexplicably trot behind her at public appearances---NEVER UTTERING A WORD. And I just read that when our Mute Mamas speak, they're contractually bound to only speak Japanese. It's just, I don't know...it's creepy! Gwen Stefani standing there, in all her blonde bombshell glory, dressed like a Japanese teenager in 6-foot-tall platforms, with four miniature versions huddled behind her, like ladies in waiting or kiddie courtesans or funky little bridesmaids. It's just wrong, wrong, wrong.

You're too good for this! Don't fall into the "I've done everything else, time to culture-plunder!" trap. Gwen, we all get inspiration from somewhere, but please, kindly return your Mute Maidens back to their natural habitat. It's just a BAD LOOK.

WHOOH. I feel SO much better, don't you? I don't even feel the need to mention Elizabeth Hurley, mistress of ceremonies at a super-fancy breast cancer benefit in NYC last week---draped in a fabulous, ahem, SARI.

Thanks for listening, girls, and tune in next time when I give a roundup of the best mother's day gifts evah!
xoxox,
tia

11 Comments:

Blogger princessdominique said...

I agree. It's like she's taken a bite of the poison career apple. Don't do that to yourself Gwen--or your fans. I wondered what all that Harajuku was about. It's almost as bad as black lip liner--you never ever want to be seen with it.

12:40 AM  
Blogger Belle said...

First off, I love the blog. Love. It. I just read the whole thing and it's just what I need as I'm a small time makeup junkie...but my habit is growing. lol

As to Gwen, she's confused and looks quite ridiculous. About as stupid as Missy sucking on a lollipop with those three girls standing behind her that never spoke on her reality show. Crazy.

9:46 AM  
Blogger princessdominique said...

Belle, I ditto that! That lolly thing was driving me batty. I mean you have to suck it a certain way so that the spit doesn't dribble out.

1:30 PM  
Anonymous Jasmine said...

Tia, this blog is amazing, thank you! We're on the same page, man. I really enjoy the tiny nuggets of ANTM humor. Please oh please tell me you've got some quotes on the way from MTV's Making the Band 3, "You want reality? 'Cause you about to get it!" or even from Mommie Dearest..."Tina! Damnit!"

Jasmine (J-Unit)
San Francisco

12:10 AM  
Blogger MalcaJ said...

I am in love with the blog and the book firstoff....secondly yah the qwen stefani with her "ethnic mascots" behind her is quite annoying and offensive to someone I'm sure. The song actually has a nice beat but that just turns me off all together

5:41 PM  
Blogger Adige said...

Ah Gwen, eating Asian culture, like sushi.

4:45 PM  
Blogger Queen T said...

i am glad to find some folx that agree with me...there's actually a Free The Gwenihana Four blog and good bit of other commentary out there as well.

6:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And I just read that when our Mute Mamas speak, they're contractually bound to only speak Japanese.
***
Do they even speak Japanese? One of the girls is from Torrance Cali.
I guess so as not to give their illusion of being 'real' away. I'm sure they are all from the United States. And you can tell from the Holla Back video. You don't just start 'moving' like that without some dance training.

3:06 PM  
Anonymous Harajuku lover said...

I disagree harajuku is a way of showing your style out and dont care what other people think. Its rather creative...

9:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with harajuku lover, never mind Gwen, harajuku is fun!

3:38 AM  
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