Va-Va-Valentine

Hola Pumpkins,
Happy Early Valentine's Day! In honor of the upcoming festivities, I'd just like to publicly announce that, well, I totally love my husband, Adam (a good quality in a wife, to be sure). As many of you know, I call him Sunshine because he totally lights up my dark, tortured, moody life (so you say you want to be a writer?). Sunshine's my Valentine every single day because he puts up with my neurotic shenanigans, which include—but are not limited to—the following:

1.) Punching him out in my sleep. It's not like I'm conscious, but still.
2.) Making him hold an icepack to my forehead for hours on end during a migraine attack.
3.) Calling him up at work, frantic and hysterical, because I'm frustrated by a paper jam.
4.) Clogging up the DVR with "Grey's Anatomy," "The Hills," "The L Word," "Sex & the City," and "Gilmore Girls."

Actually, I kind of think he enjoys "The Hills," but what self-respecting, grown-ass man would admit to being fascinated at how Brody Jenner managed to pull Nicole, Kristin and LC with lines like, "Your eyes, no really, they're like amaaazing." Okay, enough of my gushing. On to what's important. Now, I realize many of you think that V'day is limited to folks in a relationship, but you couldn't be more wrong. Whether you're single or attached, you can end up having the time of your life! If you're in a relationship, it's all about a super-romantic night filled with kisses, cocktails and coupling. But if you're not, you can get all dolled up, go out with the girls, and drive the boys insane. Either way, it's about primping, which is my bailiwick. Here, I've listed the eight things—beauty-related or otherwise—that'll make my Valentine's Day fabulous. Enjoy, and use protection!!

Big Love,
Tia

TIA'S TOP EIGHT V-DAY MUST-HAVES

MEET MARK KISSINC LIP TINTMARKERS ($6, each): Nothing indicates the lusty blush of romance like a crushed-rose-petal lip stain (can you believe an early ACCIDENTAL DIVA book reviewer accused me of "overly lush language?"). Mark makes the best lip stains, ever—the super-concentrated liquid lipcolor comes in a sweet magic marker-like pen, and stays put after hours of making out. Or heavy cocktailing, whichever’s on your Feb. 14th agenda. My favorite is Foxy Brown, a seductive cherry-walnut shade.


GOLD HEART DOORKNOCKER EARRINGS ($10): So “a salt with a deadly pepa!” Make sure you rock ‘em with irony, you know, not like you’re trying to out-Ferg Fergie. Don't listen to snarky fashion editors who say that a retro look is off-limits if you're old enough to have worn it the first time. In 1988, I was in doorknocker-wearing, wop-dancing eighth grader, and I look just as cute in the earrings today.


ROUTE 29 CONVERSATION TRUFFLES ($7.95): Perfect for the guy you’re kind of seeing, but who you haven’t had the mood-killing “where do we stand?” conversation with yet. This box of conversation heart-topped truffles says “I think you’re kinda aiight” without scaring away the commitment-phobic bastard. Whoa, where’d that come from?


REVLON SKINLIGHTS FACE ILLUMINATOR IN BRONZE LIGHT ($10.99): Desperately-in-love fictional heroines like Juliet always seem to have the most glowing, radiant skin. Since the butt-ass-cold weather is murder on your complexion, it’s all about faking it. Here’s how to brighten up: Blend Revlon’s genius highlighter along cheekbones (over blush) and browbones. It’s more luminous than shimmery, so it gives you a grown-up glow, not a teenagery glitter-overdose.


RACHEL PALLY LONG SLEEVE SPLIT BACK MINIDRESS (on sale for $88): On Valentine's Day, you want to look sexy as hell, just not Pussycat Doll-raunchy—and it's a fine line. This super-soft jersey minidress happens to be deeply hot without looking desperate. It's all about the split back, which shows just enough skin to get your boyfriend/girlfriend/electrical device all hot and bothered. Comes in red, white, navy or black…wear alone, paired with leggings, or over skinny jeans tucked into booties.

ORIGINS SPICE ODYSSEY BODY SCRUB ($27.50): I heart this stuff, in a major way! If this winter has left your skin a dry, flaky mess like mine, than you BETTER scrub the night before the big day. Nobody wants to rub up against ash. Origins' fantastic Moroccan-inspired exfoliator is spiked with a cocktail of aphrodisiac spices (including clove, cinnamon, nutmeg and paprika) and skin-softening moisturizers that’ll make your bod smell and feel irresistible.


BOX OF LOVE LETTER SET ($12 for 12 notecards): It may be corny, and I may be 31, but I still like to send out Valentine’s Day notes. It’s cute to let the folks you love know you’re thinking about them, don’t you think? And I’m crazy for the kinda retro, kinda Trapper Keeper-ish rainbow hearts. Anyone who wouldn’t enjoy receiving one of these in the mail is a cold hearted snake (“uh-oh, he’s been tellin’ lies.”)


JO MALONE RED ROSES COLOGNE ($50.00): You think Valentine, you think roses. You think rose perfume, you think grandma. Not so with this searingly chic scent from cult-fave perfumer, Jo Malone. It's blended with seven different types of roses, and gets a crisp, sexy kick from citrus, spearmint and violet extracts. Gorgeous.